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Showing posts from 2017
You know that quote about how you either die or you live long enough to become the monster? I think about it a lot.
I'm glad I'm not the only one left. It's nice to see old, familiar faces on here. I wonder who else is still around.
I was thinking of an old friend tonight. And a conversation with her. I miss her a lot. If it wouldn't put her life in danger, I'd visit. She'd probably love to have someone to dissect. It was a crisp night and she brought out a nice, warm drink. She made good tea. I remember her looking at me for a while before asking me. "Carter... What's it like? To kill so many people, I mean." "It's... Terrible. It removes parts of your humanity each and every time. You'll never forget it. Every time you'r idle, your mind will play it back to you. You'll look at yourself in the mirror and see a killer. That's what drove me over the edge. That's why I'm not killing someone again." "But you killed a lot of people before...Her. Of your own free will. Why would you choose that life? Why did you do it?" "... Because if I didn't... If I didn't, then someone else would be in danger. I did it for you, and everyone …
Sometimes I wonder just how many of us are left. I only know of a handful. And I'm not sure if that is good or bad. Maybe it means that people will eventually be safe? Or maybe it means I'm just out of the loop. I don't know. All I know is that I've seen many friends die or become lost, and that it will continue to happen for me, day in and day out. For all of eternity.
This blog. So many memories. Good to force myself to remember them. Hard to sometimes. I'm still around. Just not...active, I suppose. I'm trying to just be under the radar. Or, as under the radar as an immortal person can be. Sometimes, it's hard to remember where I come from, who I was, and what it measn to be human. If you can't die, what's the meaning in life? What is life without death? Light without darkness? Happiness without sadness? Joy without loss?