Tuesday, December 23, 2014

I've been wandering around town for the past few hours... It's been a crazy few days.

The first major thing is that I almost blew myself up. I decided to start preparing for a journey I'll need to make soon, the first step of preparation: armament. It took some work, but I managed to make one bullet for my revolver from the ones we recovered. Med kept asking me if I knew what I was doing.

"Of course I do! I've seen this process a couple of times, it'll be fine. But...just in case something does go wrong, I'll do it far from home. You know, to avoid any explosion-related incidents and all that." She seemed unconvinced, but I wasn't about to let her talk me out of it.

And you know, I keep referring to the safehouse as "home." It's weird, I know. But it just kinda happened. I feel comfortable there, not necessarily safe but comfortable. It can't last forever though, I know that.

Next thing is the reason why I'm not there right now... I almost shot Med.

You see, I was just relaxing and thinking about things when I thought I heard a crash from a nearby section. Thinking that Med had fallen or something and might need help, I called out: "Med, everything all right?"

No response. I got up, fearing the worst. What if she was seriously injured? Then I heard another sound, this one sounded a lot someone bumping into a bag. If it was Med, she would have responded. If she was hurt, I wouldn't have heard that. I turned back to my bed and grabbed my revolver. I made sure it was loaded and cautiously approached the sounds.

That's when I heard someone breath behind me and I whipped around. My revolver was aimed right where I thought the person's head would be. That's when I saw who it was. Med looked just as shocked as me to find herself with my revolver aimed at her.

I lowered it, thankful that I hadn't shot her. I think she could tell from the frantic look in my eyes that something was wrong, so she kept quiet. She was also making these weird gestures that looked like an attempt to do the hand-puppet stuff. I think she wanted me to calm down. I pointed toward the direction of the sounds, she grabbed the nearest weapon (which happened to only be a pen) and followed.

We made it there and found.....absolutely nothing. There was no one there. She asked me what had happened and I told her. "I'm sorry about the gun. You just about gave me a heart attack!" I told her that I was going to go on a walk and clear my head. I've been so jumpy lately. I'd swear that I'm being watched, but I don't know who or why.

I also wish that that man who has been following me for the last half hour or so would finally confront me. Either he's not very good at being discreet, or he wants me to know that he's following me. Not sure which one is more worrying.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

You know, all this down time has had me thinking. If the Archangel's bullets can kill me, can they kill others like me? I mean actually kill, permanently.

And I guess this all means that he's the only fear who would be able to kill me permanently as well. Not sure if that should be good or bad. At least I survived this time.

The pain's mostly gone. Med almost flipped out on me, though since I keep insisting on doing stuff. I can walk, I can eat, I can bandage myself, so I'm going to do it myself. I've been enough of a hassle as it is.

Anyone out there with any pointers? Or even better, anyone like me experienced something like this? Or am I just different in this aspect?

Monday, December 1, 2014


Forgive any mistakes (if there are any), I'm still pretty groggy right now and don't feel like checking fpr any.

Med came back form a scouting mission. "Let's go, I've found him" - Med

I grabbed my gear, I could tell that it was time. "You're not taking that?" She pointed to teh sword that I had kept since my last 'visitor' said hello.

"Nah, I'd rather stick with what I know best." I said as I slid the revolver in to its holster. "Besides, the plan's not to go on a murderous rampage. Right?" - Me

"Let's go, Mr. Pacifist." - Med.


We were surrounded and outnumbered. It was a trap."I surrender." I said as I dropped my revolver on the ground and slid it away. I put my hands up and hoped Med would follow. I didn't want her to get hurt, and was pretty sure that there was a sniper watching us--or more likely her.

A man walked in with a woman at his side. "Cute. You think you have a choice. Well, fancy meeting you here." He said as he walked in and turned to Med. They excahnged some words, and something came up about a guy name Firebug being killed. I turned to look at Med, she hadn't said anything about that.

Then he came in, the man who Med called Black but is really called Skoll. (Confused yet? I sure was.) The man continued: "Well, looks like this will be a touching reunion, so we'll just go and take out the trash, give you three some privacy." A few of the proxies grabbed my arms to bring me away. I would have fought back, but I didn't want Med to get hurt.

They brought me into a room and tied me to a chair after that. I was planning on waiting, after all, Med was resourceful, she'd get to safety. Then, just maybe, I could get free. I wasn't really worried, though. After all they couldn't kill me, right?

Well, they weren't so convinced. In fcat one of them (a rather...let's say dim proxy) said they had a "special surprise" for me. I didn't like the sound of that.

I sat there in silence until this awful smell came from nowhere. I heard the door break open. It was Med. She looked different, jaded, like she had gone through hell and back. She released me and handed me a gasmask. I quickly put it on, even gthough it didn't help much. She also handed a bag with my stuff in it.

As we were trying to leave, a proxy stopped us.  Med pulled a lighter out of her pocket. She threatened to "light us all up" then started pulling on my arm. She relaxed visibly, until the sound of a gunshot rang out. I reacted and shot back in the direction: it was a hit. The proxy's body hit the ground. I looked at Med, she was fine. So, I walked over the body, knelt down, said a few words, closed his eyes, and stood up. We began running. Then, she fell. As I tried to catch her, she looked worried.

"You're bleeding." I looked at where she was pointing, a blood stain was growing on my abdomen. I lifted teh shirt to see that it wasmn't healing properly. Or at least properly fr me.

"I'm bleeding." That's pretty much the last thing I remember (I think I remmeber saying a few things while in a half-lucid state) before waking up obn an operating table back at the safe-house.

"You're home. Or the closest thing we've got to one." Med's voice called out from the side, calming my fears.

I looked down and saw the bandages. "This your work?" As I sat up, I felt pain and nausea. "How much anesthetic did you put me on?" - Me

"Almost none. I did tthe best I could. You lucked out, I was able to give a transfusion. You should have seen all the blood you lost. You want to see your souvenir?" - Med

A (very scary) thouhgt hit me. "Yes." She brought the pistol, nothing special--just a pistol. The ammo was special. "My god. I'm lucky to be breathiong." Feeling the pain again. "You weren't able to get the bullet out?" -Me

"No, I'm not a doctor. You had been lucky though, it could've been worse." She noticed my expression. "What's wrong?" - Med

Another thught hit me before I answered. "The body. Did it stay dead? You didn't see it move?" -Me

"No, why?" - Med

"Archangel. I've seen bullets liek these before. The Agency even uses the idea. They're made using teh same material of Archangel's. These look like they've got a higher concentration though, which is very dangerous, often leads to...mishaps. The Agency always used trace amounts in the Class 2 bullets, much more stable. I'm amazed that this proxy had this many at this level." - Me

"We knew that they potentially could stop regenerative abilities in anything, but we never thought of using this much. There were a few black markets that we had to close down as well. I wonder where these came from..." - Me

"You need to get the bullet out, don't you?" I said yes. "I know of a few doctors who could do it. What do you want to do with those?" - Med

"Keep it. All of'em save one." It was only 4 bullets, the proxy had only had 5. "Maybe you can find something to do with the material other than kill. Gives you something to experiment with."

"Speaking of killing... You killed that proxy, why? I thought you were a pacifist." - Med

"I guess I am, for the most part." I stood up at this point, the pain shot through my entire body. "It was necessary though. He would have killed you. Plus, it makes us even, for teh whole you saving me thing." - Me

"He would have killed you too." -Med

"That would have been a blessing. I'll be back as soon as I'm able. We can talk more then." - Me

After that, I managed to stumble in to a doctor who didn't ask any questions. The wound is mostly healed now, but still hurts some. Maybe ina  week taht'll stop--along with the bouts of nausea. Word of advice: never get shot by Archangel--it'll be the last you ever do. I returned 'home' and Med and I talked more about what had happened. She told me her side of the story. I felt so sorry for her.

So, we found Black (Skoll?). Now what?

Friday, November 14, 2014


Well, not even a few minutes after my last post, I was kidnapped. There was a reason that I avoided mirrors...

Luckily, I woke up in a spot I recognized. It was one of Med's safehouses that we had left behind. I was alone and had lost a few days of time. Both of which can be frightening. Next to me was a note:

      It was such a pleasure to find you again! I am glad that we could 'catch-up.' Thank you again for the generous samples you so willingly provided! As you know, we'll always have a bed waiting for your return.

Upon examination of myself, I found that there were puncture marks from needles on both arms. Rope burns were present on my wrists and ankles. My clothes were torn and bloody. (Pretty sure some of was not mine.) Blood stains were present on the ground, and to top it all off, there was a bloody sword next to a chair.

I kept the sword, it was hard to smuggle it back to the safehouse. It'll be nice to 'return' it to its owners. Since then, every time I see my reflection in anything, I swear that I see someone behind me: watching. When I turn around, no one's there. The most worrisome part isn't the fact that they found me or the fact that they tortured (and possibly killed) me or the fact that they took 'samples.' No, it's the fact that I can't remember a single moment of it. I can only hope that the blood was a sign that I made them pay some. I hope.

Either way, Med came back with some news from scouting. More on that later.

Friday, October 31, 2014

To the Fallen

I was waiting for Med to come back from a scouting job so I decided to kill time. It was that, or go crazy from boredom. So what did I do, you might ask? Well, I walked down 'memory lane.'  I was feeling nostalgic and decided to check on older blogs. Oh the names, the memories, the joys, the sorrows.

I have met so many people through this blog. And so many of them are dead or gone. It's sad to think about all of them. So many lives needlessly wasted. And for what? To appease some monsters? To seek revenge for injustices? To fulfill prophecies? It's terrible to think about the reasons behind each death.

We've all lost people. Every single one of us who still lives today has lost friends (and even those enemies who we just can't hate). Let's never forget them. Let's not let their deaths be in vain. Whoever you may be, whether you affiliate as a Runner or a Servant, post some of their names in the comments. Maybe post something about them. Do something today to just remember them.

To the fallen, may you never be forgotten.

Friday, October 24, 2014


So, after everything that's been going on in sunny New Zealand, I decided to take a break of sorts: I went home. To see S. After looking around for a while, I found her. She was at the park. I found a spot that was hidden, and could see her. She was sitting on a bench with two other people: a guy and a girl. I remember them. The guy had been a good friend of mine and the girl was his girlfriend and a close friend of S.

They were talking and laughing, then the others stood up. S decided to stay sitting on the bench to wait for them to come back. almost immediately after they were out of sight, I saw her change. She went from a happy, care-free person to a haunted person. She looked defeated and sad. Then, she suddenly looked straight at my hiding spot. I knew she couldn't see me. She started glancing around, but her eyes kept lingering where I was.

She was about to stand up when the others came back. I decided to take this moment to leave. I left a hastily-written note in the spot and slipped out without being seen. I had hesitated, I wanted to run up to her and try to make my life normal again. But, I didn't. I can't have that life. Not anymore. Not while my life-span is indefinite. I'd never fit in.

I returned to New Zealand a few days later. The first thing I said to Med was: "Let's find Black."

Saturday, October 11, 2014

More Thoughts

Well, my memories are kinda sporadic. I'm beginning to think that the Old Man's messing with me. The worst part is something that I can't remember: S's name. I can't remember her name. No matter how long I think, no matter how hard I try, I just can't remember. Why? Why can't I remember? I miss her. I miss her so much.

I had to take a break. For some reason, thinking of Linux before had reminded me of something else he said once: he called me an anomaly. I wouldn't have thought twice about it, except someone else had said that: Mother. I remember thinking that Linux had been insane: there was no way that I'd one day (in alternate realities) be immortal, kill everyone I know, and be feared by some of the Fears. (Of course, I now know that the first one came true.)

Maybe there was more to his words than hot air. Especially since they had been shared by a Fear. They both said that I was an impossibility. That the original reason the Slender Man started watching me was because he knew what I'd become.But what exactly is that? What am I? Who am I? Am I still a good person, or am I a monster? An abomination? A freak of nature? Is this why I'm still here? Why the Slender Man or Mother (To name just 2)  haven't killed me?

I'm sorry, I'm just kind of confused right now. This is so much to process.

Saturday, October 4, 2014


Well. It's been a crazy time for me. I'm still trying to sort through all of these memories. It's scary: some of the things I did...

But now, I have eternity to think about it. Unless I find a way to reverse what Mother did to me. I have to be careful with how I act.

So, I was sitting outside after the kid arrived (that's Edward....Crow....Legion....I still don't know which to call him by, so I just call him kid.). (By the way, I'm not keeping that money, I had packed more than enough for my meager needs before I ran from Mother. I'll leave it as a 'gift' for my lovely landlord as payment.) Med came outside to see what I was doing. The kid had apparently been very tired and was sleeping.

We sat for some time in silence, then she turned and asked me if I believed in fate.
"No. There isn't. Back when Jack gave me some of those files, I marked a few with a very specific letter: 'F.' Those contained info about a 'future event.' Mine was pretty much thrown out the window a few hundred times over. It's why you never got your file. I didn't want you to think that those events had to occur. What about you? What's your opinion?"

"I don't believe there's such a thing as fate or destiny, but there is such a thing as consequences. So, there's more to what you said earlier isn't there? About the 'pacifism.'"

"Yeah. You remember Linux, right? Before he left he told me something. In one of the alternate futures he claimed to have seen, he said that I had become a monster. That I killed everyone I cared about: you, Sanna, S, my family, Lovett, everyone. He even said that some of the Fears were worried about me. Me. And I went down that path after Mother gave me her 'gift.' I don't want to become that...thing. I have so many options to choose from, so many paths to take. Who's to say that I'm on the right one?"

 "You. Only you know you. Be careful on which road you go down, a heck of a lot of them are one way. But no matter what you choose, it will be you choosing. Not her."

"But, I know that there's the potential to be something truly evil in me. I'm worried. I...I'm scared shitless. What if I hadn't been able to fight back against Mother? What if I had gone down the road that Linux described? What if?..." I had to stop there.

"I don't think about the things that could have happened but didn't. I can't change them. I prefer to learn from what did instead. Don't ask 'what if'', ask 'what now'."

I thought about that. We sat out there for a few hours longer, talking and thinking. Even though I managed to get away, Mother's shadow follows me everywhere. I had to get rid of all reflective objects in my 'room': I can't bear to look at my own reflection.

I guess the good thing that came out of all of this is that S is safe. She's no longer in danger. Even though I miss her so damn much that it hurts, it's probably best for me to stay away from her.

I hate this so much, I'm going to outlive everyone I know. I asked Med if she thought I was still human. I said that to be a human, don't we have to be mortal? To have a fear of death? She looked uncomfortable after I said that.

"Lots of things that aren't human or entirely human are mortal. They fear death as well, to varying degrees. It's the other way around as well. Being immortal alone won't make you inhuman unless you lose your humanity in some other way."

After she finished that, she just laughed a bit and said that she might need to start writing fortunes for fortune cookies if we keep going on at this rate. I laughed too, for a bit. It felt nice.

I realized that I haven't laughed or felt happy since the last time I had been with S. Before she had been kidnapped. I'd give anything to be able to be near her again. Especially if it meant I was able to actually die. I know many of you probably think I'm insane since I want to be mortal.

Being immortal is terrible. The truth is absolutely crushing: I will still be here when you all are gone. You should enjoy your life. Treasure every minute that you have with your loved ones, they won't be around forever.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014


   "I can't forgive you. You are worse than they are. And for that, I will never forgive you"

I stepped through the doors and found myself standing outside. On a road. Next to a field. With the sun shining above and everything else that you can imagine. There was just the one road, stretching as far as I could see both in front of and behind me. Once the confusion passed, I started walking.

My instincts told me that I had been walking for hours before I found the crossroads. The sun hadn't moved at all. This place was...different. I immediately thought of the Empty City, but this obviously wasn't a city. And I didn't feel a malevolent presence. But then again, maybe the City didn't give off that feeling. I wouldn't know, I've never been there and I don't plan to visit anytime soon. Instead, all I felt was...nothing. This place was devoid of all signs of life. The quiet was eerie. The sound of the wind was creepy.

I looked at the roads. Each one had a sign, like the street names. To my left: sacrifice. To the right: temptation. And to the front: truth. I tried walking forward, but it's like I hit a wall. I couldn't go that way, so instead, I took a right.

"To know oneself, you must first know of your inner demons."

It didn't take long to find out what the sign meant. My stomach started making these awful noises: I forgot to pack food for once. After all, I had originally planned to be back at the safehouse. Off in the distance I saw a table with some food and water. Then a figure ran to the table, took the food and began walking away. I followed, at a quicker pace. Not only did they have food, they were definitely another person as well.

When I got into shouting distance, they began to run. Exhausted, I drew my revolver and fired once into the air. No reaction. Then a strong urge hit me: I wanted to shoot that person. I didn't know why. I hadn't even seen their face. And at this point, it wasn't really the hunger bothering me. It was just an urge to kill. I'd be a liar to say that I stopped right there and didn't think about. I almost did it, but I hesitated long enough for them to get away. Exhausted, I collapsed and passed out. Woke up at the crossroads again with a piece of bread next to me. I ate it and turned to the next sign: sacrifice.

"But can you really trust him, Carter? Do you really trust me? Do you trust yourself?"

I walked for an hour, at least. Then I heard a voice from the distance: I followed it. It led me to a platform set off in the field. There was no way to access it without wading in the field. I heard the voice again: it sounded familiar.

"Med? Is that you?" She poked her head around a pillar. She claimed to have followed me in after I missed the meetup. She needed help getting off the platform. As I approached the grass, I could hear the movement inside. There was something waiting for me to fall in. I looked around and found some old pieces of wood that could work. There was one problem: they weren't enough to create a safe path. It ended just short of the platform. I told her that she'd have to jump, that I'd try to catch her. Even if it meant I'd fall into the field, I'd try. So, she did a running jump. And then I saw it: that wasn't Med. Med wouldn't have put that much force into her jump, she would have known that it wasn't very far. Med wouldn't have smiled as I fell into the field. I had been tricked. The thought lasted for only a second as the things in the grass began to tear me apart, piece-by-piece. All I could feel was pain. At last, it stopped and I awoke on the crossroads again. One way to go: truth.

"I'm not like that. Not anymore. I can't fall to those extremes anymore. I have to walk the fine line between them."

I came across a very familiar face: myself. We exchanged ''hello's'' then he began to tell me about how he was looking to find a man. As if on cue, a man came up from behind the other me and attacked. It was swift, and brutal. The other man was on the ground, and the other me had a knife to his throat. "Why don't you do the honors?" I declined, he killed the man. I looked at the man's face and recognized it as one from one of the nightmares I had been having. I began to get angry at myself as the truth set in. I told him that I could never forgive him. Never forgive myself. I told him that I would not be like that anymore. He laughed and asked me if I really trusted the Old Man. I began to walk.

"Let me tell you something...me. You can't die. Ever. That's the side-effect of what Mother did to us, you know. You won't age at all, not physically. Until you 'die.' Then your body will age some and you will wake up. You might as well enjoy it!" I turned and shot him, five times. I will never forget that image: seeing myself with a shocked expression as m body fell into the fields to be torn apart by the creatures within.

After the shock settled in, I realized that I had walked to the end of the road. I found a bench, and a man.

"You have passed your trials, Carter. Now, you may ask for what you desire." I asked who he was. "Me? I was once like you: a traveler of this place. Then, I became something new. I became its guardian. I am the Guardian of the Crossroads. No, I am not a Fear. This is not my Domain. It is my home. It asked for me. And now the one you seek is here for you. Choose wisely." He looked at me with an expression of sympathy, like he had once been in a similar situation.

I turned and saw the Old Man. His glassed covered his eyes, but he smiled as he approached me.

 "Before you ask, yes, I am most certainly real. I may be old, but I'm forgetful." He smiled at his own joke. "You've come for your memories haven't you? I remember when you first came to me, Carter. You were practically begging me to take them! You really sure you want them back?" I said I did. "Normally, I don't do refunds...but I'll make an exception in your case. On one condition: you owe me a favor. I will call upon you someday, and I expect you to answer, or else..." He snapped his fingers at the end of that sentence. I agreed to it. Then I woke up on the front steps of the library at night.

Once I got to the meeting point, Med was there. She was a bit anxious and annoyed. I had been missing for three days. Then I asked her. "Med, do you think I could stick around for a while? Help you find Black."

She thought about it. "Maybe. Are you still squeamish?" She was referring to the 'proxy incident.'

"To an extent. I will do what ever I think necessary. I have to be careful. Apparently, an unintended side-effect of Lilith's 'tinkering' means I can't die. Ever. I'll outlive everyone I know. To be fair, I'd rather not spend that time wishing I hadn't killed some nameless people. But, I swear that I will help you. After all, I can't go back to S. I wouldn't be able to sit there as she slowly aged and died while I didn't. I can't go to the Agency, Sam will expect me to take back my position. So, your kinda all I've got for now."

She told me that she'd need time to decide. I spent most of my free time going on walks to try and 'sort things out.' It's insane to go from having no memory of the past to suddenly having it all back. Some of it keeps me from sleeping at night. Then, one day, she asked me a question:

"Hey, Carter, I was wondering... Would you like to help get the sword from Fracture?" I told her I'd think about it. And I did.

Then I came back to her with a one-word answer: "Yes."

Monday, September 8, 2014


Well, here we go. I think I've calmed down down now. So much has happened during my visit with Med. It's been quite a few weeks though, so I guess that's understandable, right?

So, there I was, relaxing in a rented room when suddenly the window pops open. I heard a voice, "Psst. Carter? That you in there? It's Med."

Never in my life have I met someone able to sneak up on a window that was latched from the inside and open it. Oh yeah, it was also elevated above ground some, too. She led me to one of her hideouts: an old abandoned electricity substation. I thought the lettering above the door was interesting. The place looked its age, but she also had supplies strewn about inside as well. Taking up a large portion of one of the walls was this map of the city. It was marked with all sorts of things. Some was impossible for me to read, some were obscure symbols, and some were just red lines from one location to another. After I dropped my pack off next to my 'bed' we sat down and talked.

First, I told her my story. Or, at least all that I could remember. She listened intently, only interrupting to ask me various medical-related questions. She then asked what my plan was. I told her the truth: I wasn't sure. I knew that to contact the Blind Man, I'd have to go to a library. But, I wasn't completely sure if I wanted to find him. After all, if I had asked him to take my memories, I must have had a good reason, right? I told her that I wanted to keep myself busy until I knew what to do. That I'd be willing to try and help her out any way I could.

Then, the reason for my visit: her eye. I set on a table and asked her to sit  on the opposite side as me. When I opened the container, the eye was facing me. Then, as if on queue, it started rotating. First from me, to the map, and finally ending on Med. It 'started' straight at her. She was, of course, surprised that the eye was still in pristine shape and could move on its ow like that. "It's gets even more creepy, stand up and walk around." She did, and it followed her movements. We talked about it for some time. About Jack, about the eye, about why I had been told to give it back to her. I gave her the letter as well.

She asked me if I wanted to take any of the files that I had apparently given to her, I declined. Partly because I didn't have the room in my bag for them. After all, you gotta travel light if you want to be quick on your feet. We talked about various other things for a while, she took a few blood samples from both my left arm and my right. She filled me in on some of my history. About who I had been, and who she thought I was. It was hard to hear that. She wanted to take a look of some of my stuff like the coat. I let her, after all, it is a unique coat.

Not sure if I mentioned it before, but the thing is extremely lightweight yet it's always the perfect temperature for the weather. In warmer weather, it barely felt like it was there, and in colder it was the warmest thing I had. The coat's kinda long, like a trench coat almost. And it's material looks very similar to a Kevlar vest. Now if it can stop a bullet or not, I don't know. And to be honest, I'm not exactly keen on finding out.

She seemed pretty distracted, then took a look at a clock. She told me to make myself at home and that she'd be back.

The next few days were rather dull, just more conversations about stuff. She had me help her a few times, tracking proxies around the city. One night, she came back in with a prisoner. She started interrogating him. Forcefully. When he didn't answer, she started using her taser. That thing looks scary enough with some of the changes she's made to it. After shocking the proxy for the 5th time, I decided enough was enough.

"Stop. He doesn't know anything. This isn't helping you find Black." She kept going. It's like she was a different person from the Med I had met earlier. All the cheerfulness and joking demeanor was gone. Slowly I reached into the front of my jacket and to the revolver's holster. I drew it out and pointed it at her. She finally reacted.

"You won't shoot me." A pause.  "He might have something to do with Black's disappearance. And you know if the positions were reversed? He'd do the same, and worse. There's no other option! Wouldn't it be great if asking nicely worked? Why are you carrying a gun, Mister Pacifist?" She had a point. I didn't want to shoot her. But I couldn't stand by and let her torture the proxy. I didn't say anything in response, just slowly pulled the hammer back. She backed off and walked away. The proxy just sat there, not even reacting. I hoped that he'd be grateful, but he didn't say anything. I put the revolver away and followed her.

"Why don't you go for a walk? Get some fresh air and think about what you want to do." I did just that. I was angry, I didn't want to be witness to torture. I went on a walk for a few hours until I calmed down. Then, when I got back, I saw that the proxy was gone. She didn't answer when I asked if the proxy was still alive.

One good thing did come out of it, though. I made a decision: I was going to find the Blind Man. I was going to get my memories back. A day after the 'interrogation', I asked her to bring me to the largest library. She led me there and we agreed on a meeting point. I watched as she walked away, wondering how much she had changed because of this lifestyle.

Then, I turned to the library doors, opened them, and stepped through. I wasn't, like I had planned, in a library. No, I found myself somewhere else entirely.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Sorry for the Delay

     Sorry. I've meant to talk about about everything here in New Zealand with Med. I'll get around to it. When I calm down some. It's been an...interesting visit. I've also been avoiding the blogs some after hearing about the situation with Sanna. Stay safe everyone, I'll be back around with the story of my exploits here soon.

Monday, August 18, 2014


Alright, attempt two...
I just arrived in Christchurch, New Zealand. I'm currently sitting in a small coffee shop in the airport. I also hate flying now: everyone gives me these weird looks when they see my ID. Am I on some kind of watch list or something?

Anyway, I can now say that I've been to New Zealand!

(For some odd reason the post disappeared the first time I put it up. Here it is again, with a small update: I rented a one-night room. It's not too bad, I guess.)

Sunday, August 10, 2014

What Now?

Chernobyl. Just reading that word brings up all the history behind it. In my attempt to evade Dmitri's men, I apparently was heading in that general direction. He decided that if I was looking to spend time in isolation from other people, I might as well go there. He arranged for me to quietly enter and have an exit. I was also given all of the warnings you could expect of the dangers.

I found what I was looking for, except it was different than I expected. I found a person. He didn't tell me his name, just told me to call him the 'Hunter.' He said that he was hunting the creature that killed his wife. When I asked what it was, he said it was the 'Rake.' He believed that he would be able to kill it, and that it would be in the Zone. Apparently, he knew someone that was able to make a facsimile of one of the Archangel's rounds.

On a hunch, I stayed with him as he tried tracking his prey. I was completely amazed. You may call me crazy, but the Zone is absolutely beautiful. One night, after we ate, he asked me what I was doing. I told him my story, and he said that I should be 'taking up all your complaints with that Blind Man.' I thought about that for the rest of that night, and realized he was right. If there was anyone-thing that could restore my memories, it was the Blind Man.

That night, I had another dream. I was outside, it was dark. There was a fire in front of me, and laughter all around. I felt something hit my side so I looked to see what. It was that girl from the last dream, she threw a dead leaf at me to get my attention. We talked for quite a while. I can't remember what we said, but I do remember one thing: I felt happy. Completely overjoyed. It's something I haven't felt once since I woke up in that dirty alleyway.

I woke up to the Hunter shaking me: he spotted his prey. I looked and saw it. I'm no expert on what the Rake looks like, but that thing had to be it. Or at least, something very similar. It was unnerving and creepy to watch it move. I think it also unnerved my new friend, because he didn't take the chance to shoot it. That morning we packed our gear to leave.

"You know, you can leave with me. You probably won't get another chance to leave this place alive and still be a free man."

"I'm gonna kill that thing first. Then...then I might just take your offer."

I told him where to be and what time to be there. Dmitri couldn't keep the exit available for more than 5 minutes. We parted ways after I wished him luck. I never saw him again. Something tells me he failed.

So, I'm done in Russia and surrounding areas. I need to track down the Blind Man...or just accept the fact that I may never regain what I lost. After all, what if I wanted to lose those memories in the first place? What if my wish destroys me, turns me into a monster?

Anyway, now I need to decide on my next course of action. I still have the fake ID's, so I could probably go anywhere. The question is, where?

Tuesday, August 5, 2014


So, I finally found out who I am. You were all right. I found out when those men caught up to me. We had a (very short) shootout. I made sure to go for non-lethal hits only (and succeeded). But, a revolver only has so many rounds...

The man in charge ordered them to stop firing (they had assault rifles, so they certainly had more ammo than me) then said, "I only know one идиот (I believe that's how it's spelled. I don't know Russian though, sorry.) crazy enough to use a revolver in a firefight. Come on out, Carteya." I knew I had no choice, so I surrendered. He said his name was 'Dmitri' and that we had met before. I explained my situation and he said that I looked like Carter. After that, he helped me enter a certain place that I'll talk about in the next post.

Long story short, I'm Carter. I don't know how to accept that. My business here in Russia is now done, I found what I was looking for. My next step is to decide if I want to go further. Before that though, I need to get this all straightened out in my head. I'm Carter. A murderer. How can I just move on with that knowledge?

Tuesday, July 22, 2014


So, it's been awhile since my last post. It's crazy here, Russia's in chaos right now for Runners and Proxies alike. I've had to skip town quite a few times to avoid trouble. So, where to begin? I guess that eye is a good place. Med, if you want it, say so. If not, well, I guess it can just keep creeping me out. Again, no offense intended, I'm just not used to disembodied eyes following my movements.

Next thing is the most (prominent) recent dream. This one gave me the idea that these are possibly memories. So, I'm gonna describe it here. Probably in great detail, so you can skip it if you want. I'll have a line break at the start and the end. So, here we go:
I was in the passenger seat of a car, this dream followed the previous one where I wasn't in control of my actions. I turned to the back of the car, seeing the driver: a man who looked to be younger than 20. Probably still in high school, so probably younger than 18 as well. I started talking to someone in the back: a girl who must have been the younger sister of the driver. She had to be younger than me, since I was telling her about some project that she'd have to do the next school year. (This confirmed that she was a year younger than me) We also started talking about other things as well: we definitely seemed to be good friends.

The next thing I know, I see a bright light and hear the man yell. Everything went dark.Suddenly, I 'opened' my eyes and felt a lot of pain. Everywhere. I felt a warm trickle of blood running down the side of my head. As I looked to my left, I saw that the driver was in far worse shape, but he was still breathing. I fumbled with the seat belt until it unlatched. I then leaned over to check on him: his pulse was inconsistent, but he was definitely still alive.

He let out a groan as he opened his eyes. "Is...is she okay? Tell me she's okay."

I leaned over the seat towards the back to check on the girl, she was fine from what I could tell. Just unconscious. I told him.

"Well...I guess we're not gonna...have that...basketball game tomorrow, huh?" He tried laughing, but it ended with him coughing up blood.

"Hey, don't try to talk. Just lay back, I'm gonna call for help okay?" I stumbled out of the car and looked around as I pulled out a phone and dialed for help. I told the operator everything I knew and was told that help was on the way. I looked around for the other car, it wasn't there. The other driver probably was drunk and freaked out, so he probably just left. His front bumper was still here. I heard my friend calling for me.

"...I want you to do me a favor. If...if I don't..."

"Don't you dare start talking like that! You'll be fine. Help will get here, and we'll all be okay."

"No. Just listen to me dammit." He started coughing again. "Promise me. Promise me that you'll take care of her. Promise me..." He started coughing, worse than the other times, until he passed out.

"I...I promise." I checked to see if he was still alive, he was. I sat down and kept checking on both of them until  heard sirens. Two ambulances and a police car approached. The EMT's came to me, but I told them to not worry about me. The cop walked over and started questioning me as the EMT's loaded up the other two. I got into the back of the back of the ambulance with the driver. He died on the way to the hospital, the EMT in the back was apologetic, he felt that there would have been a chance for my friend if a helicopter had been available.

At the hospital, I was told that I had been lucky. I came out of the accident with a few bruised ribs and a broken ankle. I was in the same room as the sister. The doctor told me that my and her parents were on the way. He thought that she'd be awake before her parents arrived and he wasn't sure if it would be a good idea for him to be the one to break the news to her. As if on cue, she shifted and woke up. The doctor made a hurried exit after helping me to a chair next to her bed.

"What happened?"

"Well, there was an accident. You have a concussion." I froze when I was about to tell her about her brother.

"What is it? What's wrong? Where?..."

I looked down as I told her the news. She started crying and grabbed my hand. I ended up crying as well. Apparently, he had been a close friend. We sat like that for a while. Then her parents arrived and mine helped me over to my bed, where I tried to sleep. I then woke up with a distinct feeling of sadness.
I know that names must have been used, but I can't remember them. But, I do think that it was a memory from my past. Most likely before I became a Runner. The girl might still be alive. I wonder who she was?

So, after waking up, I decided to go on that walk. I walked to a diner that was recommended by the owner of the hotel. It was a nice little diner, and I chose a seat that allowed me to see everything in the building. I got a newspaper (even though I can't read Russian, made me feel very silly) and some coffee. Just when I was about to leave I saw two men enter. Both were wearing some very nice suits. They sat down and began searching the place. One of them saw me, his gaze rested for too long, it gave him away. They both then went out of their way to not directly look at me.

I got up and asked the owner if there was a restroom I could use. I entered it and was relieved to find that it was a single-occupant with a lock, and had a window just large enough for me to slip out. I locked the door and made my way out. I judged that I would have at least 10 minutes before they realized what happened. When I got back to the hotel, I saw a car sitting in front, probably waiting to see if I entered the hotel. I slipped in through a side entrance.

The owner was very helpful. He told me that some men in suits had been asking for me and searched my room. He gave me my bag, and told me to go. That he had never seen me. I thanked him and (after checking to make sure that I had everything) left. I've been going from town to town since then.

This was a lot longer than I thought it would be, so you must be a legend if you read it all. I might be a few steps closer to finding my identity, I hope.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Coming to You Live from Russia

So, I just arrived in Russia. I'm now trying to find out why I'm here. I'll jump back to my departure from NYC.

I woke up with a small container nearby and a note. After reading the note, I decided it was time to go, so I started packing my things. I got the passport and ID papers ready. According to them, I am Johnathan Carter, a 19 year old student going to Russia to study. I chose this ID because it was seemed the most 'average' one. Some were as young as 16, others were 25. I hoped that it would hold up to inspection. (Luckily, it did. Although the guy who looked at it gave me an odd glance.) I made sure that everything was packed appropriately. It was time to say goodbye to Oswald.

He saw my bag. "You're leaving already?"-Oswald

"Yeah, it's probably time I track down my past."

"Why don't you stay longer? Alright, fine, let me get you a drink then?"

"Sorry, but no. I need to stay sharp. Besides, we don't even know if I'm legally old enough!" We both laughed at this.

"Okay. Have you said goodbye to Stacy?" I nodded. "Well, it was nice to meet you. You do know that we'll always have a room available?"

"Yes, Oswald's Bar and Grill is open to all Runners, eh?"

He laughed. " 'Oswald's Bar and Grill'? That's what they call it? I like the sound of that more than the legal name! Come on, I'll drive you to the airport."
After a nervous boarding period, I settled in for a long flight. I had another odd dream. This one was less 'nightmarish' than all the others. I found myself in what looked like a desert. It stretched for about as far as I could see. Almost with purpose, I climbed one of the nearby dunes, on the other side was what looked like a small oasis. But, it wasn't...right. It kept 'flickering' into and out of existence. Almost like a hallucination.

I walked to it and entered. There were people. I felt someone grab my arm and I turned. I saw a woman, she's impossible to describe, yet there was also something wrong about her appearance. I can't remember what though. I saw her lips move, as if she was speaking. Then I felt mine move in response, but I couldn't hear anything. I realized it at that moment that I couldn't hear anything at all. The woman spoke with me for a while, an whatever it was that she said must have been good news. Almost from the moment of stepping into the area, I had felt safe; after my conversation, I felt happy.

The woman then led me to a bed said something else and walked away. I sat on the bed for a while, then must have decided to try and rest. I was laying there for some time when I shifted as if I heard something. Suddenly, I felt this massive rush of anger and resentment. It was targeted at a lot of things, including myself. I don't understand what this dream was about.

So now, I'm sitting in a rented room. I don't even know what I'm waiting for. I have no idea why I'm here, or what I'm trying to find. I think I might go on a walk later. Try and see if something 'stumbles' into my path.

Monday, July 7, 2014

An Update (Part 2)

So, I'm continuing where I had left off. I had just finished my food when I decided to check on why the backpack felt heavier than it looked. It took me a while, but I finally found a hidden pouch. Inside were identification papers. Passports, driver's licenses, everything. For more than just the United States as well. None of them had photos on them, and I found a kit that would allow me to get a photo applied to them properly. I grabbed a random passport. The name was Johnathan Carter. It would do for my trip to Russia.

After that, things got quiet again, so I decided to try and do research. On all the blogs, and Carter. I wish I knew who I was. Anyway, it was almost afternoon when I heard a tap at the door. Of course, I grabbed the revolver and prepared for an attack.

"Who is it?"-me
"Me." The voice sounded feminine, but I couldn't be certain.
"Who is 'me'?"

I told her to come in. She apologized for how I had woken up, and asked if I was done eating. I said that I was and she started walking out.

"Tell your father that the food was great."-me
"You really think so?"-her
"Well, I'm no critic, and I've been living off of canned foods. But...yes, it was."

She smiled as she walked out. I guess she was the cook. The rest of that day was uneventful.

Then the 4th came along. Lotta guys in the bar drinking. Oswald came down to talk to me. He said that no one's been able to find Randall or Sampson, but that they should be fine. I hope so. He then said that he would like to given me a quick examination, since I was going to be staying here for a while. Apparently, he knows basic medicine. He said that everything looked fine and asked if there was anything that I thought felt odd.

"Yeah, actually, my arms do. One feels less...sensitive to touch."-me

He looked closely at the arm.

"Well, I wouldn't'a seen it, if you hadn't mentioned it. Look here: a small scar. By the way it's shaped, it looks almost like a precision blade made the wound. Any surgeries?"-Oswald

I told him that I couldn't think of any. It was odd. After that, he went back upstairs. When dinner came along, I decided to eat up there. I sat at an empty table and ordered some soup. I decided to watch the TV. After a few spoonfuls of soup, a man blocked my view of the TV. I decided to ignore him and keep eating. He made a show out of pulling out a chair and sitting.

"I don't want you here."

I ignored him.

"My friends don't want you here either." I could smell the alcohol on his breath. "You think you're funny? Ignoring me? Do you know who I am!?"

I looked up, and back at my food. He was about to keep talking when Stacy came up to him. She grabbed his arm.

"Come on, Jimmy, you've had enough fun for tonight. Don't make my dad throw you out.." She was cut off as he turned and hit her.

I don't remember how I did it, but I just started moving. He had two friends behind me, and he was at least twice my size. I remember swinging back and hitting the one guy while throwing the soup at the other. They both went down, as I turned to Jimmy. I remember picking up a chair, and the next thing I know, he's on the ground. Unconscious. I helped Stacy up, as Oswald came running in with a baseball bat. When he saw the results, he laughed a little. A few men helped drag the brawlers out. Then Stacy gasped.

"Carter! You...you've been stabbed!" I looked down and saw a knife still embedded in my side. It must have belonged to Jimmy, and it explained the quick feeling of pain I had when I saw him fall. Oswald rushed me downstairs.

While he was getting medical supplies together, I yanked the knife out. I don't know why, I just did. He came over and started putting pressure on the wound, but the bleeding stopped within a few minutes. When he removed the cloth to apply bandages he froze.

"Carter...wasn't there just a knife wound here?" I said that there was. "Well...I don't know how to put this...but...it's not here anymore."

I looked and saw for myself: no wound. No scar. Not even a scratch was left. Just dried blood. He thanked me for helping his daughter, and asked for a sample of my blood. I gave him one, and asked if he had any leads about my identity yet. He didn't.

So, now I'm sitting here in my room trying to make sense of all of this. Obviously, I've received some kind of advanced training from somewhere and it's still muscle memory for me. And then there's the arm and the possible surgery there. Not to mention this new development with the wound...  I wish things could just be simple for once.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

An Update

So, I've been gone awhile. Sorry about that, pretty busy here. I'll update you guys on the most interesting stuff. Oswald's been trying to find out who I am, but he hasn't had any luck. My first morning was the most interesting, so I'll start there.

I had been having a nightmare. In it, I saw two men running. One was armed with a knife, and the other was unarmed. The armed man looked like he was chasing the other. The chase went through a field, then broke into the woods. I was never able to get close enough to see their faces, even when the unarmed man had been cornered, I couldn't get close enough. The unarmed man spoke first.

"I accept my fate. It's pointless for me to keep running."-unarmed
"Are those your last words? I could put them on their headstone."-armed
"You're disgusting. How the hell can you just...do this? When you die, I hope it's painful and slow."-unarmed

The man with the knife murdered the other man right after he finished talking.

"Because, I enjoy it." He kicked the body to make sure the man was dead, then started to laugh.

I woke up with a start after that. As my eyes adjusted, I saw a figure in my room. It was Oswald's daughter, Stacy. She was standing next to the door, looking at me. I saw a tray of food on the table.

"Can I help you?"-me
"...n-no. Sorry, I...was just bringing you breakfast...and...then I saw you thrashing around...and I wasn't sure if I should...help...or..."-Stacy
"It's fine, thank you."-me

She pretty much ran out the door before I had even been halfway through that sentence. I decided that nothing could be done about it now, so I went about my morning routine. I started eating when I heard a knock at my door. Oswald entered and asked if he could sit, so I said 'yes.'

"G'morning. So, in the all the craziness from last night, I didn't get a chance to hear your story. You feel like sharin'?"-Oswald

I told him everything. He listened intently then said that he's be right back. I continued eating until he returned with some maps he put one of the United States down first and told me to look it over. A few minutes went by.

"What exactly...am I looking for?"-me
"Well, you don't feel any, eh, 'pull' to any state? You know, just and urge to go there? Anything?"-Oswald

I said no. He looked disappointed and put down another map. This one was a world map. I looked at it for a while and two places kept drawing my interest. He noticed and asked me, so I pointed them out.

"You're definitely not Russian....At least, I don't think you are. You sound American, but maybe there's something important in those places. Tell you what, I'm gonna check missing person lists and see if anyone of your description crops up. In the meantime, you can try and relax."-Oswald

"One thing, before you go. I...uh...I don't want to be rude or anything, but...uhm...how did you get involved in...this?"-me

"Well. That is a story. I got involved because of my wife. She was a Runner who tried to escape from it all. She always tried to make the most out of everything. I never knew much about her past...I just assumed that she had come from an abusive family. Well, one night, she comes bursting into our room with Stacy. She was only 5 years old at the time. Old enough to remember. She told me that I needed to take Stacy and run. She said that as she pulled out a bag from the closet and gave it to me. I told her that I wasn't gonna leave her. And that I'd scare off whoever was in the house. She was about to say somethin' else when the door burst open. That...freak stood there. The faceless one. She told me to run, to take Stacy and never look back. I'm not proud of it, but that's what I did. I took Stacy and ran. Later I checked the bag to find a journal she left. It explained everything, and it was then that I decided I would help Runners. And that...that is my story."-Oswald

I apologized for bringing it up, but he told me to forget about it, that it was perfectly fine for me to be curious about his past. He left my room after that.

I sat there staring at the map and at those two countries. What could be waiting for me in Russia? As for the other country, well, I may not go there.

Saturday, June 14, 2014


The good thing about this city is that there are a lot of rooftops. That's where I slept for the past few nights. Tonight is different, though. I woke up after having an odd dream. In it, there was fire surrounding me. I was in a small room, and everything was burning. Yet, I was calm. I just sat there while everything around me disintegrated. Then, I see another person in the room. I woke up after that, sweating. I decided to go for a walk around the city.

I was wandering aimlessly for the whole day. It started getting dark when I was passing a park. I felt like someone was watching me, so I stopped to look. People kept passing me by, I almost didn't see it. A tall man wearing what looked like a black suit. He was standing in the park and watching me. He was too far for me to make out his face, but I didn't see any hair: he must have been bald. I started walking to the park. By the time I was closer, he was gone. I walked to where he had been: no signs of any person having been there until I changed that. I felt uneasy after that. I decided to find a place to sleep near the park. That way I could confront this man if he went there again.

There was an alley nearby that had a rooftop access point. However, there was a small fire next to the access. I decided to warm up there, and wait to see who made the fire. I knew that someone was approaching. It was just a feeling. I waited until the right moment and let my reflexes take over. The next thing I know, there's a large African American guy on the ground next to me, and I have the gun drawn and pointed in the other direction. Towards another guy. Both guys looked like they were living on the streets. The African American guy was bald, and the white guy had long unkempt hair. Unkempt spoke first.

"Hey! Whoah, don't shoot! after seeing you take Samp down, I ain't gonna do nothin'! Is he...is he gonna be alright?"

I said that he would. I gestured for him to stand next to his friend as I backed away. Bald guy groaned as he sat up.

"Ugh, what just happened?' He saw me as he looked around. "You're good. You can put the gun away, after that talent show, I'm not interested in fighting you. So, tell me, are you a Runner?"

"Runner? I...I guess. Yeah." For some reason that title felt like it fit, while at the same time it didn't.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, considering the circumstances. My name's Sampson. That sorry sack is Randall. What..."

He was cut off by Randall, "How long you been here? Do you have any grub?"

Sampson told him to shut up, but I answered anyway, "Long enough. And sure, I have some that I can spare." I pulled out some cans and gave them some food. Randall immediately started eating while Sampson kept talking.

"So, what did you say your name was, again?"-Sampson

"I didn't." I decided that I'd go with the only name that came to mind quickly. "Call me Carter."

"Okay, thank you for the food Carter. Look, these streets are dangerous at night. Since you've been kind, I'd like to repay you." He picked up a discarded newspaper and started writing on it. "There's this safehouse. It's owned by a guy named Oswald. These directions will lead you there from the park, once you get there, say the lines that I wrote down and you'll get a place to stay. Just be sure not to go into the park."-Sampson

I thanked him and asked why the warning about the park. Randall spoke up. "The Faceless Freak is there. You don't want t'meet him."

I remembered the man I had seen earlier. I thanked them again and was about to leave when Randall spoke again. "B'fore you go, lemme ask you something. When you get t'Oswald's, see if he'll let us back in."

"Randy, shut up! This man gave us food, he doesn't owe us anything! Don't worry about it, this drunkard over here didn't know how to walk away from a fight. So, I stepped in and saved his sorry ass before he was killed. Sadly, we were both thrown out."

I said that I'd say something to this 'Oswald' anyway, since I'd be there. We said our farewells and I strted on my way. I memorized the lines that I'd need, and soon found the place: Oswald's Bar and Grill.

I entered and made my way straight to the bar stool at the end. After I sat, the barkeep made his way over to me and spoke. "So, you look like you've been traveling a lot, eh?"

"Yeah, I feel like I've been running around from place to place." His expression didn't change as he called a girl over to handle everything. He then told me to follow him downstairs.

"Welcome to paradise! Or, the closest thing to it for a Runner. Name's Oswald. And you are Mr....?"

I gave him the same name. He showed me to a room and said that he and his daughter, Stacy, would provide everything that I needed. I decided that now was the time to ask, "Hey, the guys who told me about your place, they were wondering if you'd let them back in." He asked who. "Randall and Sampson."

"Well, it is dangerous out there, I felt a little sorry for them after I calmed down. I send someone out to bring them here." He made his way back upstairs.

I took in my surroundings. It was actually a nice room, there was a bed, a table, a desk, a few chairs, an end table, and a bathroom directly connected to it. I decided to take inventory of my stuff, and rest. Of course, the resting still hasn't happened yet, but it will be nice to sleep someplace other than a rooftop. Sadly, none of my memories have come back. I need to find out what happened to me.

Monday, June 9, 2014

I don't know who I am. I woke up in an alleyway about an hour ago. There was a bag and a coat next to me. In the bag was clothing, food, a revolver, ammo, and this laptop. Although, it felt heavier than it looked. I was alone, and I wasn't sure what was going on.

I can't remember who I am. I don't know how I got there. I grabbed the stuff and ran to the nearest public place. That's where I was when I found the piece of paper in the coat's pocket. It had an email address, a name, a password, and this blog's URL. I don't know what to do. Luckily, there was a wallet with some money in it, so I can at least appear to be a normal customer.

I found out that I'm in New York City. I think that this stuff belonged to the name on the paper. Carter. That's also this account's name. I don't know where he is. But his stuff was neatly piled near to where I woke up. From my seat I can see the alley, but no one's entered it. Was I traveling with this Carter? And if so, where did he go, and why?

My head hurts so much. Luckily, no one's asked for my name. I don't know what I'll say when someone does. I guess I'm asking for help. I don't really know what's going on, I've only been able to read a little of this blog. From what I can see, this Carter was terrible. If I was with him, why? So many questions and no answers. I should go, I've been sitting here for too long. People are starting to stare. Anyone know what's going on?

Saturday, May 31, 2014

This is Not Goodbye

   Well, it's finally happened. Doc managed to convince me that he's right. Earlier today I authorized extended leave for the rest of the team. We're going to be going dark for a while. I'll still try and make posts on here occasionally. We'll be back soon, and with a renewed vigor. We're currently on a delay at an American airport, it's just me, Doc, and our pilots.
   After Doc and I get off, the pilots will go wherever it is that they want. I don't have anywhere to stay. This plane is my only home. It's weird to think about it that way, but it's true. I never had a real home. I was just on the streets with my brother until the Agency came along. Then I had to move from base to base.
   Hopefully, this break will allow me to heal. I know that I need to rest. I also need time to come to terms with the fact that Carter's gone. I still haven't been able to feel comfortable knowing that he's no longer with us. That he's no longer himself. In a way, I feel partially responsible, I don't know why.
    So, with that, I'm going to wrap this up. I'll probably post something soon, so this isn't goodbye. You'll hear from us soon. Until then, this is Commander Samantha Cartwright of the Agency signing off.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Deserts Suck

   Would have made a post sooner, but sand gets everywhere. I hate it. I keep finding more of it every time I look at my equipment. If it's not lodged in the magazine of a gun, it's in a pocket of a vest. Rant over. Sorry, been a stressful week.
   So, I decided that we needed to visit an old base that the Agency had used for hard copy back-ups of files. It's in the Sahara Desert, of course, so it makes for a fun little trip. We had to go in on foot (or rather land vehicle), since the runway and all possible LZ's for the osprey were completely covered in sand. There was no way we could land anything near that base. After the boring trek out there we cautiously entered the base. For some odd reason, it seems like every one of our abandoned bases becomes 'claimed' by one group or another. No exception here. Luckily, these guys were your regular scavengers. They ran off screaming after they saw Sean walk in yelling. Or maybe it was because four of them were gunned down before we were spotted. Either way, they left.
   The base was secured and we searched for the files. It was boring, and took a few hours. And guess what we found? If you guessed 'nothing' you win the grand prize! So, another dead end. Doc's really pushing for me to authorize leave for everyone. He keeps saying that we've all been overexerting ourselves and that we need a break. I keep putting it off, but maybe he's right. I don't think I've actually slept well for five or six months. It's crazy to think about.
    I'll keep you all updated as things happen. Com. Sam Cartwright signing off.

Friday, May 16, 2014

And Then it Clicks

    Well, I hope you all saw that last post on the blog. Apparently, Carter posted it. His wording was interesting, "the first of may." Jenkins thinks that it means the post was made on the first and that it was scheduled to appear when it did. Which is odd, because none of us knew it was there. It caught us all completely off guard. And one thing stood out to me: "the old man." Normally I don't jump to conclusions, but after a visit that mentioned "the old one", well they may just be connected. What I can only assume is the following: that Carter visited "the old one", aka "the old man", aka the Class 3 who, if I remember correctly, deals with memories. That's all I know.
    I wish I had access to our old archives right now. Have any of you had any contact with this one? I want to know what could have happened. Maybe I'll be able to finally track Carter down. That is, of course, if I can convince Doc that we don't need extended leave.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

it's already the first of may and i can't do this anymore. the torture is becoming too much, i'm losing. help. please. help. the old man says he can but no trust. oh god what have i become? am i a monster?

Saturday, May 10, 2014

The Anonymous Man

     So, Russia. Yeah. Very interesting. However, something else occurred that was very strange. So, instead of talking about that right now, I'll just save it for later. I was walking down the road, looking for places to set up ambushes when I noticed a strange man staring straight at me. He stood out, wearing a full grey suit. For some odd reason, I felt like I needed to talk to him. Or listen. I approached cautiously. He kept watching as I approached.
    "So, it's finally time." He pulled out a pocket watch and looked at it. "Almost...10...9...8..." He kept counting down. When he reached one, he smiled. "It is done." I asked him what was done. "He's gone. Completely gone. The old one was generous today." He glanced down at the watch again as he started walking away.  I shouted after him to answer my questions, but he just kept walking. He turned a corner and I ran after him. He was gone. Nowhere in sight.
    I wish I knew what he had been talking about. What's done? Who's gone? Who was the 'old one?' I wish things could just be simple for once.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

It Has Been a Busy Few Weeks

Hello, Doc here. Sam is off trying to get some rest. She wanted a post to go up, so I volunteered to type one up. Forgive any mistakes, I'm not an ''experienced'' blogger like most of you are.

So, it started out with an investigation. We received a report from an airport in the United States. Apparently, one of Carter's various identities had appeared there. Sam called a briefing. While we were in the midst of this, we were bombarded with more reports. All around the globe, his identities were appearing. We knew that the possibility of finding him from these reports was slim, but Sam insisted. Then Sean spoke up. He's been under a lot of stress, having to deal with not having Raven squad. He mentioned Calvin, and how he had practically destroyed the Agency. I'm not sure if his name has ever been documented before. Calvin Cartwright was Sam's brother. The man who brought this very Agency to the brink of collapse. Sam lost her cool. She reprimanded Sean then told me to finish the briefing. We decided to wait, rather than rush into what would most likely be an ambush.

Then, we came across an old friend. Sam decided it was time to actually help our 'allies' that were requesting help. We were split into two teams: their group would watch one warehouse, while we would watch another. While we were waiting, we were contacted and informed of an attack at the other warehouse. We split the team to help. Bear squad went to provide assistance, apparently the attackers were Timberwolves. Sam, Jenkins' team, and I kept watch. It was rather quiet. Nothing happened for a few hours. Then a car pulled up and dropped off a man. We quickly noticed that he was using a crutch for support. He slowly entered the warehouse with a can of what could have been gasoline. Sam and I decided to go in after him. We told Jenkins to keep an eye on the car.

We followed the man to an office in the back of the warehouse. He began to dig through the filing cabinets. After pulling out some papers, he emptied the can of gasoline. Then he abruptly stopped. The man turned his gun on us. We would have fired, but we noticed the same thing: it was one of our pistols. He slowly lowered it when he saw who we were. "Sam? Doc? I'll come quietly. Won't put up a fight." It was Lovett. He was injured, and we were supposed to bring him into custody. Sam decided that we should bring him to the plane for treatment first, then decide what to do with him. As we were exiting the office and about halfway to the warehouse's entrance, we heard a car speed away. Once we were outside, we discovered that the driver in the car was actually very crafty. She apparently had a tear gas grenade. She used that to keep Jenkins at bay during her escape. Lovett told us to let the driver go. So, we brought him to the plane. I've done what I can for his wounds, and Sam's been debating on how to proceed.

I guess that's all for now. Again, please forgive how this probably reads, I am not a blogger. I'm just a simple doctor.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

     She had me take care of a package. Wasn't allowed to look inside. It was rather boring. she knows that she's winning. i don't know if i can keep fighting.

     I had been tempted to look inside, but after seeing what happened to the recipient...well, let's just say that he had a bad day. A very bad day. she wants to to scare me. the torture is terrible. i can barely even close of this small section of myself anymore.

     I should probably explain what happened, shouldn't I? I know that you all can be a curious lot. So, I picked up the package while on my out from home. With instructions not to open it. I brought it to a lovely little villa. It wasn't so lovely on the inside after I left. I gave the guy the package. He looks it over, hands me the payment, then opens it. It was great! I feel sorry for the poor sod that has to clean the room. she's using everything against me. especially my memories. i'm so sorry s.

     Any who, I think that's enough for now. Just felt like giving an update so you all can rest easy knowing that I, Carter, am alive and well. Au revoir!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

It Was Just a Simple Job

     I walk into the bar and take in my surroundings.  It's just a plain bar that could be in any city of the world.  It's the kind of place a man would go into to get lost.  Or to lose himself. The place is normally crowded, but I chose my time carefully.  There are few people left, and the ones still here either are too drunk or just don't care anymore. Or maybe a mix of both.  I look for my target, he's sitting at the bar.  Just like he does every single night.  Third stool from the end.  I approach and sit down at the next stool.  The bartender 'called in sick' tonight, and his replacement doesn't pay me any mind.  I hear Her, reminding me what to do. That I have to do it. i fight back. i lose.

     I turn towards him as I say, "You look like a man who's down on his luck. Let me order you a drink, pally." The bartender sends a glass down this way, it's filled with the man's regular order. He accepted it without question. This is going to be easier than I thought. I couldn't help thinking that as the man downed the drink. I ordered another for him, and he started telling me everything. About how he started seeing a faceless man, and was worried about his family. Then his wife divorced him, took his kids and left him behind. They died in an accident afterward. He tried finding help, but no one believed him. The stalker became more aggressive, and he ran. He finally disappeared to here. I listened to all of this, acting interested the whole time. i tried to warn him, run. run while you can. she wouldn't let me.

     He said that he hates what he's become, and wishes for an end to it all. I turn to him and smile as I say, "Then today's your lucky day." Before he could react, the poison in those drinks starts to kick in. There was nothing he could do. I stand up and walk out the door, the man's body is found four days later. He was killed in a drunken driving accident. why. why did i do this. why couldn't i stop it.

     She's proud of me, tells me that it was a job well done. i'm a murderer. And She welcomes me home. Home. back to hell. It's so beautiful here, I feel safe for the first time. I wouldn't give it up for anything.

i miss s.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Mission Report #2

   Sorry for being late with this post, our duty never ends. This is the report from a shorter mission. We were receiving reports of animals and people being found in the woods around a small Indiana town. The bodies all had one thing in common: they had been mauled and partially eaten. The details that we were sent were...gruesome, to say the least. So, we set out for Indiana. Vaguely, I remember Carter mentioning that he had lived here. At the time, I didn't connect that to what was happening.

   We set out from the plane: me, Doc, and Bear squad. Jenkins was left at the plane in case we had any more visits. We coordinated with the local authorities, which was a slow process as they weren't used to dealing with this kind of situation. That, and we had to keep showing our authorization papers. We eventually tracked down an eye-witness: an old woman. She told us this story about her dog barking one night. She went outside to tell the dog to be quiet, when the dog whined loudly then got quiet. She was just in time to see an animal drag the dog's body into the woods. Apparently, the animal was human shaped, but t moved very fast. She wasn't able to give anything else useful, but it was looking like we might be dealing with Rake attacks. We wanted to be sure before we called in for help. In certain cases, such as Rake encounters, we are to observe the situation, and report it in. Another group will then arrive and we observe how they deal with it. It's kind of like on-the-job training.

   I decided to set a trap for this 'animal.' And we waited. And waited. A few uneventful nights passed by. No sign of the 'animal.' The local authorities were getting impatient, they sent teams into the woods at night. We warned them not to do it, but why would listen to us? Why would they listen to the people who are armed better than the common military? They lost a whole team. Five people never left the woods, their bodies were found two days later. The 'clean-up' part of this operation was going to be difficult, but we would cross that when we got there. Some good did come out of all of that though, we were able to narrow the zone that we had been searching.

   Finally, we caught a break. We found the 'animal.' Or rather, it found us. It looked a lot like the Rake, just smaller. When it came out of the woods, it looked straight at me with those empty black eyes. Then it looked as if it was trying to smell something. Followed by a sound that I can only describe a 'squeek.' And it ran straight towards me, but not in a threatening manner. Luckily, Doc and O'Conner had those snare-pole-things that animal control officers had let us borrow. They caught it and put it into a cage.

   We brought it back to the plane without incident. After we had dealt with the 'cleaning,' Doc asked me to come into the cargo hold, where we had the creature stored. He told me that he thinks it's one of the creatures from the Path. And he showed me old posts on this blog about the creature. We think it was same one that had followed Carter. Doc also thinks that these creatures may be slightly telepathic, as it seems able to sense that we had all known Carter. So now we have a Path denizen in a cage. No idea how to handle this, anyone have any advice?

   We also checked in on S since we were in the area. And by 'check in' I mean that we didn't talk to her, just watched as she went through a regular day. Poor girl. She doesn't look like she's been doing very well lately. It's really sad, she's safer than she has ever been yet she's miserable. The only person who could cheer her up may as well be dead for all it matters. We'll be pretty busy for the next few weeks, so hopefully I'll be able to post reports. -- Com. Sam Cartwright

Thursday, March 27, 2014

What a Week...

   This week has been busy. I'm running on coffee right now. So, let's start at the beginning of the week. We were contacted by someone in Moscow. A contact named 'Dmitri.' Well, that's his code-name at least. Carter's mentioned him before, so I won't bother giving much of a description. Anyway, he sent along information that Carter had been spotted in Moscow. So we packed up and left. After we got there, Dmitri gave us the full report. He also said something about the entire country seems to be going crazy lately, with Runners and Proxies being active. But, there had been a few reports that definitely looked like Carter was involved.

   Of course, things never go our way. Every lead was a dead-end. Some literally, the witnesses involved were found dead before we could get to them. Then the next thing happened: Sanna. Luckily, she seems to be in good hands now.

   To top all of that off, we were just contacted by another 'little' agency connected to the British government. Apparently, they're requesting help. And guess who was told to send aid? I don't really like these guys, and it can go on record here. They use underhand tactics to ensure they get what they want. To be honest with you all, they probably would have been disbanded a long time ago if they hadn't been able to scrounge up some kind of blackmail on some very important people. I'm going off on a tangent aren't I? Sorry, like I said: coffee. So, like I was saying, they've been having troubles lately. Apparently, a few warehouses that they use have "mysteriously" gone up in flames. They also said something about the Timberwolves. I think. I just glanced over the report. I'm "obligated" to send aid, but I can take my time on it. And I will.

   We still haven't had a chance to go through everything that Lovett left for us. Namely his diary. It's just sitting on my desk right now, waiting to be read. At least Doc's been busy with all of the samples he left behind.

   Sorry if this all just looks like incoherent ramblings. I'm too tired to care. I'll update this if anything happens, that or just make a new post.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Situation Resolved--Partially

   I don't even know where to begin. Actually, I guess I'll start by saying goodbye to Lovett. We'll miss you, and thanks for all the help. So, you know how I mentioned in my last post about supplies going missing? Yeah, we found out who was taking them. It was Carter. For real this time, and he would have killed me. I could see it in his eyes. He'd do it without a second thought. I guess I'm getting ahead of myself here. I'll start at the beginning.

   I was reading a report about Lovett's blood sample and decided to walk around the plane while doing so. I passed through the armory: nothing out of the ordinary. It was just as I was about to leave that I heard a distinct sound: footsteps. Two of them. At the same exact time. Almost like someone had just jumped. I turned and saw him. He was quick. Before I could react, he had me in a stranglehold. If I ever complain about Jack again, remind me that his training saved my life. I managed to free myself somehow and knew that there was only one thing that I could do. I hit what we jokingly called 'the Big Red Button.' It's a fail-safe that was built into the plane. It reads the commander's fingerprint, then requires an extra press to activate. The entire plane will be 'decontaminated.' There's one in almost every major room. I think it had been Jack's idea. Either way, all I had to do was press it and well...Carter understood what would happen. He wouldn't survive.

   I think he realized that I'd really press it, so he ran. Apparently, there's an area on the plane that he could enter from, and I'm assuming that that's where he was headed. I hit the intercom and shouted for Jenkins to head to the generator that powers the alloy. Carter was gone, and that was fine. He didn't get anything else. I went to Doc for treatment. In the struggle, he had stabbed me. While Doc was asking what had happened, the lights went out. Then the emergency ones turned on. Jenkins came in and explained that he was drawing extra power for the alloy generator, and that we'd be running on the emergency one until we found out what was wrong.

   After he left, I told Doc about what I had been about to do. He didn't even react. He said that it "would have saved many lives." It's scary though, I was prepared to sacrifice myself and everyone else on the plane just to stop Carter. What does that make me? What does that make him? -- Com. Sam Cartwright

Friday, March 14, 2014

It's In the Blood

   Well, here's this week's post. As usual, colored text for easier reading. Blue = Doc, Orange = me.

   So, as some of you may have already seen, we were sent a blood sample to test from Lovett. I had another matter to look into that I'll elaborate on in a bit, so I decided to let Doc handle it all. Well, shortly after we picked up the package, he asked me to come take a look because it was 'urgent.' He's normally calm in all circumstances, so when he says that something is urgent, it normally is. Immediately after I walked in he told me to 'take a look.' So I did, and I was surprised.

   Doc, what is this? Did you happen to find a sample of Carter's blood from when we first picked him up? I thought all of that was destroyed when we left the old base.

   It isn't. This is Lovett's. As you can see, the concentration of Azoth is, well, out of proportion with anything that we've ever seen.

   It can't be! Maybe you accidentally contaminated it... He was shaking his head. But, Carter was comatose when he had less than this in his blood! He was pretty much brain-dead according to Dr. Giles. Lovett shouldn't even be able to live with this much in his system.

   I know, I read the reports. This is almost double the amount that Carter had. I've already run checks for any of the substances that the Oathbreakers are known for. Well, at least the ones that we know of. His white blood cell count, look at it. It shouldn't be that low, here's a chart showing your average human male's blood. I looked over the charts. That's not all, either, Sam. Look at this: his t-cell count, his b-cells, even the NK's are all...off. As per the regs on blood samples, I asked all of the questions. Negative to AIDS, no Ataxia, no SCID, none of it.  Sam, he said that he isn't suffering from any of that, but look! The cell counts are so off, that theoretically, he should be suffering from all  of those. It's related to the Azoth somehow. Even Carter had slightly below average counts, and you saw how after every test the concentration of Azoth decreased until it almost imperceptible. But this...  He looked completely lost.

   Okay, here's what we're going to do: first we compile everything we can. Get Jenkins in here to help if you have to! Then, we give him the report. The full report, and everything we have. Lastly, we will keep our offer open to him. He can stay with us if he wants. Safe shelter, no worries about Pathers, food, a bed, and people to talk to. Plus, it will allow him easy access to any medical help we can offer.

   I wouldn't say safe from Pathers, unless you've found the solution to our little 'supply shortage...'

   Not yet, I'm still working on it. Keep me aprised on this. And let me know immediately if you find anything else. 

   I left him to deal with the situation, after all, I'd only get in the way. I'm not trained as well as he is to analyze blood samples. Now to the other matter. We've had a break-in. Numerous break-ins. Each one has been completely untraceable. Nothing on the cameras, no witnesses, nothing. It makes no sense, the alloy is still functioning properly, yet someone is still breaching our security. We know that Carter had gotten through and taken one of the arctic survival suits, but that was back when his command codes still worked. And they don't anymore, so that's already scratched off the list.

   It started out small: a few rounds of ammo, maybe an empty magazine, nothing all that noticeable. But then it kept increasing: grenades, then a few pistols (that's when we started noticing), a few rifles, then pieces of body armor, next some rounds for grenade launchers, then one of our grenade launchers. The biggest thing was the most recent: a full suit of our body armor. From the boots and specialty socks, to the helmet, and even the gloves. It's getting really worrying, I don't think I've slept soundly since we realized what was happening. We're all on edge. I'll update you all as this situation develops. -- Com. Sam Cartwright

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Mission Log #1

  Well, it's been a bit, sorry about that. I haven't been feeling the best lately. Things have been happening. Anyway, this is the first of what will hopefully be a regular thing: posting mission logs for you all to read. This one is about a human trafficking ring that we closed down. In Moldova of all places..
   So, we don't just deal specifically in Class 3 (Fear)-related incidents. They are our specialty, but we also are given other tasks by our benefactors. This one was tasked to us, as one of those nations inserted a mole into the trafficking ring. (In the form of being kidnapped.) We tracked the poor sod to Moldova, where we found multiple cells. Our objective was to rescue the informant, and 'discourage' the other cells. The briefing was simple: we knew how many targets were there, and we knew how many civs were present. I think the whole thing was very stereotypical: it was in a warehouse. We were ready to go, Jenkins was confident that his team was up to the task, Doc was on stand-by for any possible injuries, and O'Conner's squad was itching to go. All of Raven squad is still on leave at the moment, so we're making do with who we have left. I opted to join the strike team, much to Doc's surprise.

   Hattery dropped us in two separate locations, then waited for the 'go' signal for extraction. The operation went rather smoothly, up until one of the moment that a grenade went off and caused a support beam to fall. This lead to a weak section of the roof to fall, and caused a gas tank to start leaking. I'm sure you can read between the lines. I got separated from the other two squads. One of them was in front of me, his back turned. So, I aimed my rifle. Click. I only had one more magazine. While I hurriedly swapped them out, he turned. Apparently, he was close enough to hear me through all of the chaos. I tried firing again, and the rifle jammed. The first time that any of these rifles jammed. I threw it down and pulled out the only weapon that would never become unreliable: my knife. As I jumped towards him, I saw his face. He looked like Carter.

   We collided and he fell, with my knife in his chest. I just kept stabbing over and over. Well past when he was surely dead. I think I hit every major organ in the body, I think. I can't really remember. I know that I just kept stabbing, and then the next thing I knew I was against a wall. With Sean looking at me. He looked worried and his lips kept moving. I couldn't hear him. In a daze, I looked around. The fires were out, and the civs were being evacuated to the Osprey. I looked at my hands: they were covered in blood. I didn't have my knife either. I felt something touch my arm, it was Sean, trying to get my attention. His lips kept moving, and slowly I was able to make out what he was saying: "Ma'am, follow my finger with your eyes only. Nod if you understand." He kept repeating it, so I nodded. He moved his index finger left and right. Up and down. Diagonal one way, then back the other. I followed the movements carefully. Satisfied that I wasn't in shock, he said that he was going to escort me to the Osprey then take over the clean up part of the operation. I said no.

   I walked back to where I thought the man was. The one who was Carter, but couldn't be. I saw the body laying there. As I approached I noticed that my knife was buried in his chest. The blade wasn't even visible. I leaned over the body as if to collect my knife, and looked at his face. I felt like time slowed as I glanced in that direction. Then everything became normal again when I saw that it wasn't Carter. I don't even know how I'd gotten so confused, he looked nothing like Carter. I pulled the knife out, and sheathed it as Sean walked over to me. He handed me my rifle, and walked me to the Osprey. I sat there until we made it back to the plane. The operation was a total success, all civs were accounted for (and alive), all bad guys were dead, and the message was sent to the other cells.

   There were just two problems: One, we found traces of Azoth in one of the corpses. These guys weren't your average smugglers. Two, me. Doc came and talked to me about what happened. He told me to include it in this report. As a way to try and cope with what had happened. I'm worried. I don't know what I'll do if this happens again.

   That's all for now, I need to catch up on some sleep. I'll try and post one of these whenever I can. As Carter would say: Stay safe. -- Sam

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Situation Report (Part 2)

   Green = Carter.

   So, I left off with me collapsing on my bed. I didn't sleep. I couldn't. Not after what had happened. I couldn't stop thinking about how he just calmly walked to it. I don't understand how he could have done that, giving himself up. Leaving us behind. That morning, I had to go into his office.

   It was exactly as I'd seen it last: nothing had changed. I slowly sat down in the chair. The three photos were still on his desk. The one of him and S, from happier times. The one of him, me, and Doc, from just after a successful operation. And the one of the entire team from after the same operation. I stared at them for a few moments. Then I booted up his computer. I was greeted by a video recording that he had left.

Well, if you're seeing this video, I'm dead. And you are in my office. He laughed. So, you're the new Commander of the Agency. I'm assuming that it's you, Sam, but I guess there's a chance that it's not. He glanced away. You know what, I'm gonna keep this short. In my desk there's a drawer. Inside are my personal files, you may find them useful. The passcode is *******. The choice of the Agency's future is now in your hands. You can keep the same policies that I created, you can change them as you see fit, or you can be the one...the one to end the Agency. He sighed then continued. It's dying. Maybe, I was just being blind before, but now I realize it. The Agency's dying. Humanity's dying. The Game is killing us off. The fears use us as pawns, as toys to play with. They love breaking their toys and finding new ones. I don't know if you ever realized that before, but I have. He seemed to be looking somewhere else, as if he was far away. There are so many things messed up in this world. And I fear that I may become a part of the problem. The dreams never go away, you'll never forget your mistakes, the orders you had to give in order to save lives. But what about the ones that you condemn in the process? Shouldn't they get a say? Irregardless, I'm gone, and the choice now lies with you. Do me proud. Carter, signing off.

   I realized that a major choice was ahead of me. I could end the Agency, keep it from becoming corrupt. Or I could continue it, and try to fight a losing battle. I still haven't decided. I don't how he had been able to, especially since he had been thrown into the position after believing S was dead and with no training. I was always trained for this, yet I don't know what to do. All I know is that I miss him.

   Shortly after I moved my belongings into my new quarters, we dropped S off. She was upset about what had occurred, and couldn't remember much of what happened. I hope she gets what she was promised. Then, we dropped Raven squad off. They're getting leave while the rest of the team keeps working. I'll give you all mission reports from time to time, so stay tuned. And if you have any missions, leads, etc. that you want us to look into, don't be afraid to say something. The Agency is willing to help. It's what he'd want.

Friday, February 14, 2014

The Situation Report

   Well, I sure chose the best day for this didn't I? Valentine's Day. Yippee. Not for me. Sitting in his office at his desk in his chair doing his job has that effect on you. So, I promised a report on what happened to him. Before I begin, there's one thing I want to say: Clarissa, if you know where he can be found, I want to know.
Blue text is Doc. Orange is Carter. Green is me. And everyone else will be labeled.

   So, we were running dark trying to find Carter. As per standard operation procedures when a ranking agent is missing. He was always a step ahead of us. Finally, we caught a break: his post. You see, he set it up to appear a day after he typed it. And we saw it. We had a few ideas on where he could be going, but we finally decided on the old Alaskan base. We only had one shot, and we chose right.

   It was a quick flight. And very hectic. I had all three teams geared up: Raven, Bear, and Jenkins's people. Hattery managed to make a landing just outside of the hanger on the strip. Raven, Bear, and I moved in. Doc, Jenkins's team, Keith, and the pilots were all guarding the plane. We entered the hanger through a caved-in part of the wall. It looked to have been from the bomb, which apparently had been far more sabotaged than we originally realized. That, or maybe my brother had planned for that before his death. Either way, the majority of the base appeared to be untouched.

   The hanger was pretty much empty. There were various pieces of rubble scattered around and we decided to head towards the center of the room. We made it to a decent-sized piece of the rubble when we were ambushed. The firefight lasted quite a while. I ran out of ammo and turned towards Franklin to ask for extra ammo. I saw as the bullet pierced through his body armor at his left lung. He went down. "Man down! Cover me!" Marcus was shouting orders as he and I moved to the ensign. He was still breathing, but was going into shock. Marcus had me put pressure on the wound while he dug in his medic bag. That's when it happened.

   "Cease fire! Stop! I said stop!" It was so loud that an unearthly silence filled the hanger. We all turned towards him. Carter was standing at the wall. Wearing one of our arctic survival suits that had gone missing the day before. The hood was up and blocked his face, but I recognized him immediately. One of the servants that had ambushed us spoke up, "And who the fuck do you think you are?"

   "I'll be the last thing you'll ever see if touch another of these people. Your boss will be very...displeased with you." He lowered the hood as he said this. A few of the servants whispered to each other. They all started leaving. "Lieutenant! Get Raven squad back to the plane, I'll handle this." I was pretty stressed out, so my old accent reappeared as I said that to O'Conner. The teams pulled out, leaving me alone with Carter. He looked away, towards the door on the far end. "Are you going to talk, Commander?" 

   He sighed. "Sam. I'm so sorry. I should have been able to stop that from happening." He paused and turned towards me. "I, Carter, the current Commander of the Agency hereby resign my commission. As my final act, I grant a field promotion to Lieutenant Commander Samantha Cartwright to the position I am leaving behind. As part of this act, all of my command codes and authorizations are now invalid." I was about to respond when we heard a sound from the other side of the hanger. A door opened. There was a bright light on the other side. All I could see was a figure in the doorway, but I couldn't see much else to help in identification. Carter spoke up, "I've fulfilled my end of the deal! Fulfill your end!" Two more figures appeared, as they got closer I recognized them. Jack, and S.

   She looked to be in a trance-like state. Almost like she wasn't really there. Carter didn't look at her. When they arrived he spoke to Jack, "Does she have to be like this? Can't I say good-bye?" Jack just shook his head as he responded, "You know the deal. She gets released after it's over." Carter sighed. He looked hesitant, then turned towards Jack and held out his hand. "Thank you, old friend. For everything." Jack smiled and they shook hands. He started walking towards the light. Once he passed through the doorway, it slammed shut and S fell over. Jack picked her up. "Let's go. I'll walk with you to your plane."

   Jenkins and his men were guarding the entrance to the plane. They looked uneasy when they saw Jack, but I told them to stand at ease and to prepare for take-off. Jack handed S over to me. "I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid that I simply cannot tag along with you all. Such a shame. We'll see each other again." He just walked off into the snow before I could respond. I boarded the plane and brought S to the med-bay. Doc and Marcus were busy with Ensign Franklin. The plane lifted off. Doc looked crestfallen. Franklin was gone. He knew he couldn't do anything. Marcus wouldn't stop. "He's gone, Marcus. I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do." Marcus looked angry, "Nothing we can do! He has a wife and a kid! What do I tell them? Huh?! What?" He stormed out. I just sat there on the chair next to S's bed, who was still unconscious. I started to move to go after Marcus, but I heard O'Conner's voice, "Don't worry 'bout it ma'am. I'll go after him." He walked in the direction Marcus had gone. Doc pulled the sheet over Franklin's face and sat down next to me.

   It was quiet for a while, until he broke the silence. "What happened down there, Sam?" I told him. About the firefight, Carter, Jack, all of it. "I'm sorry to hear all of that." I don't think I've ever mentioned much about my past. I never met my parents. My only family had been my brother. When he had joined the Agency, it made life a lot easier for us. But, for some odd reason, I look up to Doc as a father figure. As the father I never met. "Doc, do you have a family?"

   He looked surprised, then sad as he answered. "I did. Once. Very long ago. But, they're all gone now."     

   "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

   "It's fine, you were curious. Can I ask you something that you might find a bit...personal?"

   "You're my doctor, of course. What is it?"

   "Did you ever tell him?"

   I realized who and what he was talking about. "How did you know?" He just smiled.

   "You don't get to be as old as I am without learning how to catch on to those things. Why didn't you tell him?"

   "I just didn't think it would be right." I paused for a bit, "He was my commanding officer, and there was always S. I didn't want to distract him, or for him to treat me any differently." As I finished saying that, I started crying. Eventually, I calmed down enough that Doc asked me what we planning to do next. "We need to drop S off at her home. At least she'll have a normal life after this. Then there's the issue of being two people down on agents. Can you fill a second-in-command role?"

   "Of course I can. Can't be that hard, you've coped with it." He was trying to cheer me up. "You want my advice as both the second-in-command and as the chief medical officer?"

   "That's why you're here, isn't it? Go ahead."

   "We need time. Time to rest. To recover. Especially you. We can't keep running like this, it'll just cause us to get sloppy."

   "No, the world won't wait for us. Give Raven squad leave since they've lost a man. Jenkins's team can fill the gap. We still have operations to complete." I stood up to leave for my quarters. I wanted to sleep and put that day far behind me.

   "Sam, you can't put it off forever. You'll have to go into that office soon. It is yours now, after all." It was almost as if he had read my mind. I was dreading entering that office.

   "I know. Good night, Doc." On the way to my quarters I passed by O'Conner. He gave me a thumbs-up which meant that Marcus was okay for now. As soon as I got to my bed, I just collapsed on it.

   I'll continue this in the next post. Be vigilant. -- Com. Sam Cartwright