Jamie's Last Entry and Guilt...Lots of Guilt

     Carter here. Early post. What a busy week. Let's have a  recap shall we?
  • New people. Lots of them.
  • Coughing is worse. And, I'm still not done cleaning up that azoth. I think that I do actually have a phobia to it now.
  • Jack's effectively moved in.
  • My rake-creature is still here. 
  • I swear I keep seeing things on the edge of my vision.
  • If I'm in a quiet room, I hear whispering. That no one else notices.
  • I do have a spare room still, so if anyone needs a place to stay, I'm your man. If you're in the Midwest 'States, and don't mind Jack, or a rake-creature.
  • I'm paranoid of everything, including myself. All because of that azoth from before.
  • Med, thanks again for that thought you left me with. The one about the azoth from my head being alive still.
  • I've been having more...vivid (vivid as in highly detailed and almost life-like. Almost like a memory) dreams. I'm writing them down to the best of my abilities, but the most interesting is one thing. I keep seeing a woman in each one. I've never seen her before, and yet...she's always there.
     Now the last entry. This one was made sometime shortly after she wrote her goodbyes. She had left goodbyes for everyone. I won't post them because they were personal. Especially the one she left for me. I'm glad I didn't know what she actually thought, it would've made my job harder. That doesn't help the guilt though.

     i serve him now he is my master and lifeandheisthebestthing ontheearth joininghimissomcheasierthanfighting youshouldjointoo allofyou heremovesallthepainandgavespuroposetoall 

     For those of you who have trouble reading that here's a version with spaces:

     "i serve him now he is my master and life and he is the best thing on the earth joining him is so mch easier than fighting you should join too all of you he removes all the pain and gaves puropose to all" 

     So she pretty much went insane at the end. Or Hallowed. Either way, it was all my fault. All of it. Her death, Tim's death, Alan's death, Alyson's death, Seven's death, the proxy who rake-thing killed, the proxies that I had killed, its all my fault. I've tried to help others, but all that has come out of it is death. Of my friends, of people who I never met. The families whose brother/sister/father/mother/child that will never have the chance to see their loved ones again. It's all my fault. Who's the real monster: the S-man, or me?
 
 
Carter

Comments

  1. It's still the Slender Man. All those deaths are a deliberate result of his actions, rather than an unintended result of yours. The monster scale is still firmly weighted in his favor.

    And uh, sorry about the 'azoth might still be alive' thing. If it's any consolation, it's unlikely to ever see 'daddy' again.

    The fact that the azoth is still refusing to go away is worrisome. It makes it sound like for every part you wash away, it grows to replace it. For which I have two words: HYDROCHLORIC ACID, and lots of it.

    It also sounds like you're having a bad reaction to it. If you start vomiting it, don't do so in a sink, it'll clog up the pipes. Do it in a place you can set a match to it. That stuff shouldn't grow, it'd be dead.

    As for the dreams... well amnesia isn't unheard of amongst the Involved. It's possible something was knocked loose in your head and you're starting to remember things again. Or they could be standard Runner dreams.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Guilt is pointless.
    At least in regards to Slenderman.

    ReplyDelete
  3. No, Carter, it's not your fault. It's the Slender Man's fault. It always has been. If you'd have known the consequences, you wouldn't have, and that's what separates him from you.

    ReplyDelete

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